Loneliness : A Choice

When clock ticks three in the morning and a person lying in the bed widely awake with nothing on mind feels of a dark emptiness around then how lonely this heart feels is very hard to put here in words. It feels like something is missing somewhere and we try to find this missing thing within ourselves and when we fail to find source of this hollowness, a cloud of hopelessness, uncertainty and loneliness takes the place of these strange mixed feelings. In fact most of the times this loneliness is somehow outcome of our own deeds. Today I know I am feeling lonely but one barely considers what we did yesterday because of that we are so much alone. We keep think this isolation is gift that is gifted to us by others and whole life we keep blaming others; and sometimes cursing and hating too. If you feel lonely and think it is not you but someone else responsible for your situation then once ask yourself are we not equally involved in those happenings occurred? May be you are able to see or might be you are not but if you can see your contribution towards it, why not to start blaming yourself instead of putting weight of allegations on the head of someone else? I guess that is a better idea.

Now the question rises how we are the only answerable person then my friend a clap makes no sound until two palms are not hit together. Sometimes straightforwardly and sometimes indirectly; but we are always involved in behaviors which cause our fate. If still you could not understand what we are talking about exactly then here I am talking about loneliness that people most often say is because someone else has cause then most probably that person left them, things did not work between them or say there were gaps and so on; lots of things to say and problems to count. Let us come back to the topic where we were. Well, I was saying how we are included. There is a word, ‘expectations’; as long is the word itself, much more heavier is it’s meaning. We kill others under weight of this word and weight of this word kills most of the times a relation. This is exactly from where it all starts that makes a feel person abandoned. This is the basic instinct of us human we never feel satisfied. We want more then we want some more.

You keep thinking what you were demanding was allowable and the another person keeps fulfilling your wanting as long as that person thinks are allowable and then all it takes a moment to crash a world made of playing cards.

There are lots of questions which may rise and there are lots of situations when you are innocent but sometimes it is better to let it go. These are matters of sensitive and soft heart not of some analyzing egocentric brain and in the matters of heart it all becomes perfect with the divine act of forgiveness. Forgive yourself for everything you did wrong and forgive others for what they could not do appropriately. Don’t run away from things, don’t hide from loneliness. Make your isolation your strength. Give time to yourself, know yourself better. Loneliness is a choice either you live with it blaming yourself and others or conquer the darkness with luminosity of forgiveness and step into a world of illumination where you can smile from your heart without any weight of regrets on you. Loneliness or smile; choice is yours, make it.

Your valuable comments below:

Being Watched

Cupping my face in my own palms,
Listening my sighs passing in and out,
Drawing and drying salted cheek lines,
Hiding behind door in a dark solely world.

Suddenly feel I, two eyes fixed on me,
No one else in, I might be dreaming,
No later than I shut eyelids and feel,
Two eyes looking wordlessly at me.

The one who is miles away so much far
Felt was here a moment ago with me,
From that night; every night every day,
I feel, by someone, every instant being watched.

Walk in streets, I, and no one around,
Silence of loneliness and tip tap sound,
A brainful thoughts and my hot sighs,
Looking at me, those two hidden eyes.

Wherever I go, whomever I meet,
Those eyes see and know everything,
Whenever I sleep, whatever I think,
Those eyes read and know everything,
Never say anything, those silent eyes,
I feel on me, two questioning eyes.

Truth Beneath My Skin

Sometimes close your eyes and try;
To peep through my chest in my heart,
A never told story, few dried tears and a buried smile,
Deep in there lies reason of my silence.

My eyes are not what you see,
My whisper is not what you listen,
My breathes are not what you feel,
My song is not what you sing,

My everything is you and;
You are my everything,
I cannot hide the truth from you,
Alas! The truth is so aching.
I try to smile, no doubt;
You make me smile with you,
But I need to smile my dear,
To smile with heart along with face.

Hope you locate, hope you trace,
Hope you find the answer a day,
In my silent words, I hope,
You recognize the truth beneath my skin.

Your valuable comments below:

Painful Cries

When heart gets filled completely,
Pain starts pouring out from eyes,
I try to lighten my heart’s weight,
And my room fills with painful cries.

How deeply from core of heart,
Pureness of affection flows for you,
And a flooded river of sad tears,
I know I was never ever wrong,
Still I do my baby apologize,
And my room fills with painful cries.

Like a small ferry lost in ocean,
Or a candle surviving in eastern winds,
Equal to an abandoned old building,
I am alone, counting backwards,
Loneliness was never a choice,
And my room fills with painful cries.

Your valuable comments below:

Kinaare

Aankhein band karke nazaare dekha karta hu,
Samander ke beech se kinaare dekha karta hu,
Dil se lahoo aankhon se aansu tapakte hain,
Fir bhi khwab sirf tumhare dekha karta hu.

Hamare sawalon ka zawab tum de na sake,
Aur khokar bhi hum tumhe kho na sake,
Mehfilon me muskurana padta hai hamein,
Dil kholkar hum kabhi ro na sake,
Din me bhi aasmaan ke sitare dekha karta hu,
Samander ke beech se kinaare dekha karta hu.

Maana ki har khwahish puri nahi hoti,
Per har khwahish bhi to adhuri nahi hoti,
Agar paas aate na itne hum aur tum,
Darmiyan aaj itni doorie nahi hoti,
Apne dil me jhaank kar daraarein dekha karta hu,
Samander ke beech se kinaare dekha karta hu.

I Miss You, Do You Miss Me Too?

Tum bhi mujhe kya itna hi yaad karti ho,
Yadon me meri ek din aur raat karti ho,
Bahut yaad aata hu jab mai tumhe,
To kya meri tasveer se baat karti ho?

Karti hogi yaad kitna rulata tha tumko,
Aur samet kar bahon me chupata bhi tha,
Ruth jaya karta tha tumse mai aksar,
Per tumhare paas aakar manata bhi tha,
Jab bahut man hota tha paas ane ka tumhare,
Rota tha khud aur tumko rulata bhi tha,
Tum bhi kya isi tarah sab kuch yaad karti ho,
Yadon me meri ek din aur raat karti ho?

Kehta tha hamesha tumhare sath rahuga,
Tumhara tha tab aur ab bhi tumhara hi hu,
Khuli ankho se na sahi, band ankhon se dekhho,
Paas tha tumhare aur hamesha paas hi to hu,
Kitna man hota hai ek baar tumhe dekh to lu,
Mehsoos kar ke dekho tumhare aas paas hi to hu,
Tum bhi kya isi tarah khud ko barbaad karti ho,
Yadon me meri ek din aur raat karti ho?

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That is How I Miss You

When in dark night the world does sleep
Something goes through brain deen 'n deep
Coupls rest in arms of lover
I open eyelids and never stop thinking
That time i think of you
This is how i miss you.

When warm lips stuck together
And the silent becomes weather
Wind travels one to another window
I draw wet lines on my cheeks
And i think more of you
That is how i miss you.

When littering candles turn calm
I want beloved to come in my arms
The moon sends love on the earth
I fail to stop tears any longer
That time i cry for you
That is how i miss you.

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Why

You were the only one;
I shared my smile with,
And I believe so strongly;
This all was not a myth,

Warm closed lips on yours and;
My closed eyes under the tree,
Countless memories you gave;
Would never let me become free,

Tears those rolled down under;
Your cheeks and were lifted,
On my palm before touching earth;
Were the best thing ever gifted,

Tight hugs, cuddles and caresses,
And the pleasure I found in your arms;
I never want to be alone,
Where I will search those charms;

And when today I am trying to go far,
Why my eyes are filled with tears;
Why sobs, memories, loneliness,
Why a lot of unknown fears?



Ashish
24th-oct, 2009
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Distances

Distances, gaps, spaces, brakes
We have made between us
Decrease all of them
Still my heart is crying.

Far, apart, away
How much we became
For our mistakes
Our hearts are paying now.

Now all what we have is
Void, loneliness and
A sweet collection of memories
And a calm heart
Filled with pain.

I want us
To be like before
And to forget
All mistakes we have made.

I am sorry
For my anger
For my selfishness
For my decisions
And for
Not keeping my promises

Every night…
When I am abed
And hide my face in pillow
My room is surrounded
With your unforgettable memories,
With every that moment
We spent together
With your charming laugh
You laughed with me
With every light smile
You shared with me
With your flowing tears
i picked in my palm
With your innocent face
Which lives in my eyes.
With your thin fingers
I hold with my fingers
With your rosy lips
I feel warmth on mine
With your long hairs
I feel fragrance into me
With your tight embrace
I find in your arms
With your silent words
I always read in your eyes
With our long talks
Which never let us sleep all night long
With your silly acts
You keep doing with me

And once again
Night goes alive in my eyes.

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Bas Tumhari Yaadein

Sooni hain aankhen meri, sooni hain saansen meri
Sooni hain baaten meri, sooni hain raaten meri
Sooni hai zindgi meri, armaan mere soone hain
Tum bin mera ye jahaan soona hai!!
Sooni hain paken meri, dil ka har kona soona hai mera
Har pal soona hai mera, har din soona hai mera
Har lamha soona hai mera, soona mera har manzar hai
Tere bin sari khushiyan sooni hain!!
Bas tumhari yaadein mere sath hain.
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